What's the Diff?

HUGE!!!

Keeping in mind that I not only stopped my meds, all of them by the way, but nearly simultaneous to that decision received my Reiki II attunements, it is just unbelievable the difference it makes in my mood, temperament and energy.

My SSRI (anti-depressant)worked on my ADD by slowing me down. That's how I experienced it. To be honest, I accepted my ADD diagnosis because it made sense given the facts of my experiences--there was an unmistakable match. And when the meds helped me focus, well I wasn't gonna argue. The truth is, though, I never really understood my hyperactivity.

I'm starting to understand now.

The differences:
-When I wake up in the morning, more and more each day, I have a ton of things I can't wait to do. I wake up with four or five blogs flowing through my mind. Then there are all the projects going on around my mouse-dyeing this or that, replacing this with that, re-organizing this and that. It's like juggling twelve conceptual bottles in my mind...as soon as I wake up.

Yesterday I awoke at 7am and went non-stop, project-to-project-to-hangin' out,etc., till 1:00am. If you've mainly known me just in the last 8 years you know that on the meds that just wasn't an option. I'd need a nap or, at least, a little downtime without noise, distraction or interaction.

No more. I won't bore you with the listing of what I got done in the day...but it was freakin' amazing.

While I might have had similar energy levels in my pre-meds days, I wasn't nearly as practical and productive. Before my energy would had its way with me. Now, maturity, growth, crystals, Reiki, understanding friends and family, and a refusal to get involved in drama for the sake of drama--mine or that of other folks, has allowed me to channel the energy toward my interests and goals.

I think it's the growth of my true self that's letting my hyperactivity work for me, not against me, this time around. My ego was more in control when I was younger, before I started doing work on my spirit nature. The dozens of crystals I work with are certainly helpful in keeping it all manageable. The Reiki II too. The reading, the meditation, the work and all my emailing community folks that let me explore my thinking in a safe public place.

Basically, I want to put it out there that I've been doing a lot of work to replace the "who" that's in charge of my life from my ego to my higher self. If it weren't for the work, I wouldn't have succes with embracing Rabin-style hyperactivity and maintaining peace and calm and joy in my life.

Embracing my hyperactivity. Like I wrote above, I never wondered exactly how I was hyperactive, so how could I have learned to manage it? It's nice to have had an 8-year contrast of how drugs changed things.

One of the things I did yesterday was watch this 3-part video on lost civilizations. It's well known how much I love watching movies. Action, adventure, gangsters, sci-fi and dark comedy are my fav's. I like my movies fiction and my reading non-fiction. The video was full of facts and information and concepts...And I don't think I went more than five minutes without realizing my mind had wandered and I'd missed something. I was taking fastidious notes too, so that added to the sense of needing to not miss a beat.

It was only after watching part-II that I noticed how often I was rewinding to hear what I'd missed. In first year law school, they kept a tight reign so I always went to class. What a mess. I'd take notes, go home to match them up with the reading, to organize them and all that important stuff...What a mess. That was pre-diagnosis so I didn't know I was writing stuff down with huge chunks missing. I didn't know that because my mind was moving so fast, I'd already mixed in my commentary on what I heard before my pen finished logging what had come in from outside.

Sitting at home watching the video was an eye-opening reminder of how I'm hyperactive. Sure I have a little more energy that some. I'll try to squeeze in five things where a non-ADD'er will "responsibly" schedule no more than three, but it's the brain speed that I most have to monitor.

Brain speed. Speed. Ahead of myself. Last week sometime, I wrote about part of me getting up and wandering around while my physical body was still snuggly, warmly in bed. That part of my self kept getting frustrated when it couldn't make the physical objects in my home move.

Another instance of that happened Friday night. See blog "Split Personality" for the details. One of my bodies tried to make a snack while the physical body, the one that can actually put enough force against the buttom to make the tele come on for viewing by a physical eye was, again, snug in bed. I move to fast for my own self. I guess I'll be cutting everyone I know a lot more slack when they don't think, move, act as quickly as I presume they could and should.


By the way, I love, love, love to write. Please know that I welcome, welcome, welcome queries, questions and comments...especially ones with an opportunity for me to blog a reply or comment of my own. There's a comment button/link just below each posting. Click it, type and send it. I'll do the rest.

Thanks for joining me on my journey.