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There are a ton of ways to describe it, and they all either elude me or don't quite fit my view exactly.
The short of it is I'm going through a quickening of sorts. My ideas, my self-view, my plans and my perspectives change almost as quickly as they form. And it's great. I ain't complaining. It's a marvelous spiritual and psychic growth spurt without too many growing pains.
Yet, as I experience it, I have no interest in trying to capture snapshots to share via my blog. Maybe that's a good thing. It is what it is.
So, I'll be bidding adieu for just a while till all this growth settles a bit and I can identify a direction.
That's part of the disinterest in blogging for the time being as well. It began as an opportunity to share about my spiritual growth with a distinctly Reiki and crystal focus. But presently, a great deal of my growth is in working more closely with my spirit guides and angels. It was already a tax on my comfort zone to share how Reiki and crystals were changing my life and my experiences, but I was able to muster the courage. As the experiences move to the outer edges of metaphysical experience, I feel a need to increase my own comfort level and acceptance of them, before I attempt sharing out.
In case you were wondering what happened...
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Rejected Blessings
I wonder how often I refuse blessings? I hope not often, but I am sure the reason God gave me today's experience with a former colleague was to teach me a lesson.
A very Christian woman I knew from high school and whom I ended up working with for a few years until 2005, returned to our campus for a visit. The person she came to see had left the site early, so she sat with the some of us while we practiced for an upcoming skit.
When we were done she shared some of the things that had been going on in her life since she left to join her new husband in a land far, far away. It's within the state but it might as well be a different universe for the culture shock she experienced. Without recounting her travails, she's making the most of her situation. She shared a story of a run-in with a student that left her wrist injured. Her range of motion is significantly decreased.
When she emphasized the extent of the damage, I assumed she was open to having it healed. More specifically, I assumed she was open to my using Reiki to heal it. I asked her to take off her watch, which she did but noticably hesitantly. I began to slide off my ring.
Noting her hesitation, I asked if she'd heard of Reiki. Considering she had once been a patron of other holistic healing therapies, I was excited to be able to offer for free and in-the-moment what I thought would help her heal.
"Oh...I've heard that energy is (polluted)."
She slid back on her watch. I remembered that this was the same woman who would be certain I was at best purgatory bound for some of my non-doctrinal Christian views. Spirituality would not be enough, nor good intentions or even good deeds without a sound doctrinal foundation.
When she tried to explain, I simply said, "I know who you are are. I know how you are."
We continued to talk without skipping a beat. And then there were more tales of less than wonderful life events.
I have to admit that I was hurt and a bit ticked that she was closed-minded about the Reiki. As I got up to leave, she asked how I'd been and expressed how youthful I looked and generally, like I was in great health. Since Reiki and crystal energy work have been part of the process in my looking and being more healthful, I shared about it despite her disinterest in receiving the energy.
And, I must admit to doing this to make a point, I shared the story about the neighborhood cat that followed me home and came back every few hours until I sent it Reiki energy. It wasn't quite this deliberate, but she did formerly own a cat and I doubted she could insist that cat's were dumb or duped by impure energy. She asked a little more about the energy. She was coming around when I said that the purity of the energy may in fact be influenced by the vessel, and that I always pray beforehand to Father, Mother Earth, Jesus and Holy Spirit... Now, I could have left out that I include Mother Earth since that is NOT doctrinal. I could have done so, but then I would have engaged in some form of subtle trickery. I knew that any points made for Reiki would be lost with the inclusion of Mother Earth as capable of being involved in blessing and healing.
I couldn't help but wonder if she'd prayed that morning for relief for her wrist.
A very Christian woman I knew from high school and whom I ended up working with for a few years until 2005, returned to our campus for a visit. The person she came to see had left the site early, so she sat with the some of us while we practiced for an upcoming skit.
When we were done she shared some of the things that had been going on in her life since she left to join her new husband in a land far, far away. It's within the state but it might as well be a different universe for the culture shock she experienced. Without recounting her travails, she's making the most of her situation. She shared a story of a run-in with a student that left her wrist injured. Her range of motion is significantly decreased.
When she emphasized the extent of the damage, I assumed she was open to having it healed. More specifically, I assumed she was open to my using Reiki to heal it. I asked her to take off her watch, which she did but noticably hesitantly. I began to slide off my ring.
Noting her hesitation, I asked if she'd heard of Reiki. Considering she had once been a patron of other holistic healing therapies, I was excited to be able to offer for free and in-the-moment what I thought would help her heal.
"Oh...I've heard that energy is (polluted)."
She slid back on her watch. I remembered that this was the same woman who would be certain I was at best purgatory bound for some of my non-doctrinal Christian views. Spirituality would not be enough, nor good intentions or even good deeds without a sound doctrinal foundation.
When she tried to explain, I simply said, "I know who you are are. I know how you are."
We continued to talk without skipping a beat. And then there were more tales of less than wonderful life events.
I have to admit that I was hurt and a bit ticked that she was closed-minded about the Reiki. As I got up to leave, she asked how I'd been and expressed how youthful I looked and generally, like I was in great health. Since Reiki and crystal energy work have been part of the process in my looking and being more healthful, I shared about it despite her disinterest in receiving the energy.
And, I must admit to doing this to make a point, I shared the story about the neighborhood cat that followed me home and came back every few hours until I sent it Reiki energy. It wasn't quite this deliberate, but she did formerly own a cat and I doubted she could insist that cat's were dumb or duped by impure energy. She asked a little more about the energy. She was coming around when I said that the purity of the energy may in fact be influenced by the vessel, and that I always pray beforehand to Father, Mother Earth, Jesus and Holy Spirit... Now, I could have left out that I include Mother Earth since that is NOT doctrinal. I could have done so, but then I would have engaged in some form of subtle trickery. I knew that any points made for Reiki would be lost with the inclusion of Mother Earth as capable of being involved in blessing and healing.
I couldn't help but wonder if she'd prayed that morning for relief for her wrist.
So That's What I Love about the Caribbean
I was reading up on a crystal I bought for a friend. It referenced "the many mansions in the house of spirit." (The Book of Stones on pietersite). While holding it I thought about this and I felt like I was there.
It was an ocean front room at sunset, the sky in an uncommon and calmly vibrant variety of orange, purple and brown hues and colors interspersed with sky blue. Amazingly beautiful and serene. The wall facing out to the sea was missing, open air style. Well, actually, it was a variant of the spot I'll be inhabiting next week in Barbados.
And it felt like I was Heaven. "In My Father's house are many mansions." If I had to guess, my room in my Father's house is like my ideal Caribbean room. I miss home. I try to go back to visit as often as I can. If your room, suite or guest house in God's many mansions were a place on earth, where would yours be?
While I spent some time in my Heavenly room, I thought about what's been on my mind a lot lately. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? OK, trite and cliche, I know. I enjoy my job a great deal and it pays well. So much so that I worry that my love of security is keeping me from something I'd enjoy more.
While in my room, I asked myself what would truly bring me joy to do on earth. The answer was surprisingly quick. I'd give parent workshops on education. The thing I'm doing now in my spare time. The thing I wrote a book about to give me credibility.
Why do I run here and there looking for something else? This might be a good time to note the selenite wand I purchased Friday. I didn't wonder why it was that suddenly on Saturday morning I woke up wondering about my life's work. I just did. I called a friend first thing in the morning and we were gung-ho on becoming life coaches. Then, and only then, we'd go into workshops. This friend and I banter back and forth year after year on new ideas for our next great career move or entrepreneurial venture. And year after year we add a few speaking engagements and then settle back into our usual routines.
Every idea, every move and every venture always culminates in speaking to groups. Small groups, workshops mostly. In fact, she and I met while advising students. We didn't really begin to click until we started doing our separate speaking engagements and talked about our successes and challenges. Within a few months we were doing joint workshops...or sitting on each other's.
Back to my room in my mansion...
When I got the quick answer that I'd give workshops, my room was suddenly filled with other light beings. They were fellow soul sojourners offering their support. Prospective parents from future workshops who were letting me know that, indeed, doing that work was much needed.
The difference their presence made was in reminding me that they don't need another expert on the educational system, they need the part of me that takes the time to explain it and who cares from a heartful place about supporting their challenge of raising their children. Not that it was to be about parenting advice. Just someone who actually understands the hassle and challenge they face in trying to do the right thing when dealing with the educational system.
My unique gift. My book is OK. But the place where I get an energy kickback and where I get the greatest positive feedback is when I am speaking to parents, answering their questions.
(Sorry so rough. I'll edit later and re-publish.)
Bottom line (long day, long night)...In that peaceful and supportive place that felt like my room in Heaven, I was able to appreciate that other souls are waiting for me to actually DO my life's purpose, to live it. And that my life's purpose is what I'm already doing, there's just room for me to commit to it. Most important, I can finally get over my book. It was meant to enhance a prospective speaking career, but it has instead gotten in the way of me doing what I'm good at, what I'm called to do, as I focused on income streams and how the experts say it is supposed to be done.
From The Book of Stones on Selenite:
"Selenite can lift one's awareness to higher planes of inner experience, making it possible for one to consciously meet one's spirit guides and guardian angels. It facilitates the experience of receiving advice and information from one's guides in the form of "interior motives."
Makes more sense that the light beings were spirit guides than prospective parents.
"In such experiences, one closes one's eyes in meditation while lying with a Selenite wand resting on the heart chakra and pointing toward the head...As one moves into the meditative state, one is likely to see one or more guides, often in the form that symbolize something about the message. The guide or guides will take one through a 'story' that reveals the message symbolically. Words are seldom used, which makes the guides' job much easier. One might say that when Selenite opens the inner eye, the spiritual world enters."
It was an ocean front room at sunset, the sky in an uncommon and calmly vibrant variety of orange, purple and brown hues and colors interspersed with sky blue. Amazingly beautiful and serene. The wall facing out to the sea was missing, open air style. Well, actually, it was a variant of the spot I'll be inhabiting next week in Barbados.
And it felt like I was Heaven. "In My Father's house are many mansions." If I had to guess, my room in my Father's house is like my ideal Caribbean room. I miss home. I try to go back to visit as often as I can. If your room, suite or guest house in God's many mansions were a place on earth, where would yours be?
While I spent some time in my Heavenly room, I thought about what's been on my mind a lot lately. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? OK, trite and cliche, I know. I enjoy my job a great deal and it pays well. So much so that I worry that my love of security is keeping me from something I'd enjoy more.
While in my room, I asked myself what would truly bring me joy to do on earth. The answer was surprisingly quick. I'd give parent workshops on education. The thing I'm doing now in my spare time. The thing I wrote a book about to give me credibility.
Why do I run here and there looking for something else? This might be a good time to note the selenite wand I purchased Friday. I didn't wonder why it was that suddenly on Saturday morning I woke up wondering about my life's work. I just did. I called a friend first thing in the morning and we were gung-ho on becoming life coaches. Then, and only then, we'd go into workshops. This friend and I banter back and forth year after year on new ideas for our next great career move or entrepreneurial venture. And year after year we add a few speaking engagements and then settle back into our usual routines.
Every idea, every move and every venture always culminates in speaking to groups. Small groups, workshops mostly. In fact, she and I met while advising students. We didn't really begin to click until we started doing our separate speaking engagements and talked about our successes and challenges. Within a few months we were doing joint workshops...or sitting on each other's.
Back to my room in my mansion...
When I got the quick answer that I'd give workshops, my room was suddenly filled with other light beings. They were fellow soul sojourners offering their support. Prospective parents from future workshops who were letting me know that, indeed, doing that work was much needed.
The difference their presence made was in reminding me that they don't need another expert on the educational system, they need the part of me that takes the time to explain it and who cares from a heartful place about supporting their challenge of raising their children. Not that it was to be about parenting advice. Just someone who actually understands the hassle and challenge they face in trying to do the right thing when dealing with the educational system.
My unique gift. My book is OK. But the place where I get an energy kickback and where I get the greatest positive feedback is when I am speaking to parents, answering their questions.
(Sorry so rough. I'll edit later and re-publish.)
Bottom line (long day, long night)...In that peaceful and supportive place that felt like my room in Heaven, I was able to appreciate that other souls are waiting for me to actually DO my life's purpose, to live it. And that my life's purpose is what I'm already doing, there's just room for me to commit to it. Most important, I can finally get over my book. It was meant to enhance a prospective speaking career, but it has instead gotten in the way of me doing what I'm good at, what I'm called to do, as I focused on income streams and how the experts say it is supposed to be done.
From The Book of Stones on Selenite:
"Selenite can lift one's awareness to higher planes of inner experience, making it possible for one to consciously meet one's spirit guides and guardian angels. It facilitates the experience of receiving advice and information from one's guides in the form of "interior motives."
Makes more sense that the light beings were spirit guides than prospective parents.
"In such experiences, one closes one's eyes in meditation while lying with a Selenite wand resting on the heart chakra and pointing toward the head...As one moves into the meditative state, one is likely to see one or more guides, often in the form that symbolize something about the message. The guide or guides will take one through a 'story' that reveals the message symbolically. Words are seldom used, which makes the guides' job much easier. One might say that when Selenite opens the inner eye, the spiritual world enters."
Saturday, June 2, 2007
The Energy of Love
I had no idea what it was I always chasing.
I used to think it was people, experiences, adventures and so on. Now I know. I'm an addict for the energy of love. I suspect it is true for us all. The only problem is when we confuse the energy of love with the forms it takes to make itself experiential.
A plant taught me that.
Last weekend I cared for the plants around my home. I added a few, changed the soil on others, pruned the ones that needed it and loved them all.
That concluded on Monday. On Tuesday the following email was inspired:
I came home today and there was a shriveled up little plant sitting on my deck. Who sat it there??? Poor thing. My intuition suggests someone is hoping I'll do something to it so it looks more like the plants I care for...work some strawberry majic.
It didn't just walk over and place itself on the edge of the rail at the very top of the stair.
I can see the value in figuring out and owning what I came here (incarnate) for. It'll help me to make the decisions about what I'm open to and what I am not. I can't see the harm in taking the plant in and fixing it up a bit. And yet, I can't deny that there's something wrong with my motivation.
Aaaaah. There's still so much ego in me. Now I know why you accused me of having a Jesus complex, in a twisted way. Saving the plant, helping it grow is not really my motivation. I just want to show off what I can do for the plant. Save the plant, flex my muscles.
No doubt the plant will still be helped in the end, but oh how much sweeter the karma, how much sweeter the joy, and how much richer would my interaction with the plant be if I had a different motivation.
By the way, that insight was courtesy of the palm I bought at Lowes that is sitting right next to me. It is such a beautiful creature. When I look over at it, it pulls at the corner of my mouth and I catch myself smiling. I ran my fingers along the stem earlier. I've never been this open to enjoying the life force of such a creature before, to experiencing the life and wisdom of a plant.
Thanks to that experience with the palm, I can go outside and actually interact with the plant that someone sat on my rail the day after I spruced up and tended to my own garden. Oh, then there's that...the other part of my Jesus complex, coming to the rescue.
So much to be cognitive about. For today I'm just gonna bless the plant because...well...because I'm a greedy little predator pig who'll force myself on a plant whilst I work on learning not to force myself on people.
There, it's been owned. Off I go to partake of some plant lovin'.
After the buddy I emailed to offered some insight and feedback, the next day I was much clearer on articulating the why of being here this lifetime, and really, all lifetimes.
I came here to learn how to love.
With the plant last night I definitely learned/remembered how much I enjoy loving.
My issue is not remembering the natural way endowed me to do it. And, yes, that's true for all of us.
I was clear last night when I brought the plant inside that I was gonna 'love' it--regardless of it being the right thing to do or any of my business. Just being aware of the intention was fabulously inspiring of more curiosity. Of course, the obvious, I thought of love as usefulness. How snobby of me to pretend the connection is "obvious"...as if it hasn't been a lot of work to connect those dots.
I can't believe how much I think I get a free pass for pushing myself on others just because my hope, my goal, my INTENTION is to 'love' them.
While "raping" the plant, I was suddenly struck with it's inherent beauty, even as it was practically dead. It's lifeforce, it's value and worth and character and natural joy. And I felt an undeniable sensation of it reflecting me, reflecting God and emanating an energy of love.
This morning I woke up able to own that I'm an addict for love. I love the energy love and can'y get enough of it.
My work this lifetime is returning to innocence on HOW to love naturally, innocenty, without domination or degradation or hostility.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
And that plant is still sitting right outside my window on the stair railing just outside my door, across from the door of the neighbor who placed it there. Next to it is the 2nd plant she placed there the following day when she saw the nearly dead plant returning to life. I haven't done anything to the other plant, though.
Unfortunately, I read too late that when giving Reiki to sick plants, one has to be careful about not inadvertantly giving increased lifeforce to any bugs or fungi. The plant has perked up quite a bit. In addition to Reiki, I gave it good old-fashioned plant food. When I got closer this morning, though, there were also more bugs flying around it.
Hmmmmph. Could that have been the hesitation I didn't heed. In taking it upon myself to help that ailing plant, unaware of its infested condition, I have now put in jeopardy the health of my own thriving plants.
Live and learn.
In either case, the experience with the plants served to remind of the joy of exchanging love. That's what stood out. It wasn't just about "giving" the plant love and energy. In allowing it to share it's beauty and wisdom and life, I received the same.
That's what is addictive. The exchange of the energy of love.
Everything else, as a good friend always says, just substitutes.
I used to think it was people, experiences, adventures and so on. Now I know. I'm an addict for the energy of love. I suspect it is true for us all. The only problem is when we confuse the energy of love with the forms it takes to make itself experiential.
A plant taught me that.
Last weekend I cared for the plants around my home. I added a few, changed the soil on others, pruned the ones that needed it and loved them all.
That concluded on Monday. On Tuesday the following email was inspired:
I came home today and there was a shriveled up little plant sitting on my deck. Who sat it there??? Poor thing. My intuition suggests someone is hoping I'll do something to it so it looks more like the plants I care for...work some strawberry majic.
It didn't just walk over and place itself on the edge of the rail at the very top of the stair.
I can see the value in figuring out and owning what I came here (incarnate) for. It'll help me to make the decisions about what I'm open to and what I am not. I can't see the harm in taking the plant in and fixing it up a bit. And yet, I can't deny that there's something wrong with my motivation.
Aaaaah. There's still so much ego in me. Now I know why you accused me of having a Jesus complex, in a twisted way. Saving the plant, helping it grow is not really my motivation. I just want to show off what I can do for the plant. Save the plant, flex my muscles.
No doubt the plant will still be helped in the end, but oh how much sweeter the karma, how much sweeter the joy, and how much richer would my interaction with the plant be if I had a different motivation.
By the way, that insight was courtesy of the palm I bought at Lowes that is sitting right next to me. It is such a beautiful creature. When I look over at it, it pulls at the corner of my mouth and I catch myself smiling. I ran my fingers along the stem earlier. I've never been this open to enjoying the life force of such a creature before, to experiencing the life and wisdom of a plant.
Thanks to that experience with the palm, I can go outside and actually interact with the plant that someone sat on my rail the day after I spruced up and tended to my own garden. Oh, then there's that...the other part of my Jesus complex, coming to the rescue.
So much to be cognitive about. For today I'm just gonna bless the plant because...well...because I'm a greedy little predator pig who'll force myself on a plant whilst I work on learning not to force myself on people.
There, it's been owned. Off I go to partake of some plant lovin'.
After the buddy I emailed to offered some insight and feedback, the next day I was much clearer on articulating the why of being here this lifetime, and really, all lifetimes.
I came here to learn how to love.
With the plant last night I definitely learned/remembered how much I enjoy loving.
My issue is not remembering the natural way endowed me to do it. And, yes, that's true for all of us.
I was clear last night when I brought the plant inside that I was gonna 'love' it--regardless of it being the right thing to do or any of my business. Just being aware of the intention was fabulously inspiring of more curiosity. Of course, the obvious, I thought of love as usefulness. How snobby of me to pretend the connection is "obvious"...as if it hasn't been a lot of work to connect those dots.
I can't believe how much I think I get a free pass for pushing myself on others just because my hope, my goal, my INTENTION is to 'love' them.
While "raping" the plant, I was suddenly struck with it's inherent beauty, even as it was practically dead. It's lifeforce, it's value and worth and character and natural joy. And I felt an undeniable sensation of it reflecting me, reflecting God and emanating an energy of love.
This morning I woke up able to own that I'm an addict for love. I love the energy love and can'y get enough of it.
My work this lifetime is returning to innocence on HOW to love naturally, innocenty, without domination or degradation or hostility.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
And that plant is still sitting right outside my window on the stair railing just outside my door, across from the door of the neighbor who placed it there. Next to it is the 2nd plant she placed there the following day when she saw the nearly dead plant returning to life. I haven't done anything to the other plant, though.
Unfortunately, I read too late that when giving Reiki to sick plants, one has to be careful about not inadvertantly giving increased lifeforce to any bugs or fungi. The plant has perked up quite a bit. In addition to Reiki, I gave it good old-fashioned plant food. When I got closer this morning, though, there were also more bugs flying around it.
Hmmmmph. Could that have been the hesitation I didn't heed. In taking it upon myself to help that ailing plant, unaware of its infested condition, I have now put in jeopardy the health of my own thriving plants.
Live and learn.
In either case, the experience with the plants served to remind of the joy of exchanging love. That's what stood out. It wasn't just about "giving" the plant love and energy. In allowing it to share it's beauty and wisdom and life, I received the same.
That's what is addictive. The exchange of the energy of love.
Everything else, as a good friend always says, just substitutes.
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