New Relationships

First and foremost, there is a totally new relationship I'm establishing with myself. Par for the course for every human being, of course. Each day that passes, each moment, each choice we grow (or regress). The next day, next moment, next choice we're a new person with a new self-concept and therefore, in a new relationship with ourself.

What's happening on my end is an exponential version of this. I do some form of Reiki, Crystal healing or Pranic healing on myself most days. And every day when I wake up I find that I'm not the same person who went to sleep in the same bed just the night before.

As a result, all my relationships are changing. I'm not talking too much to anyone these days. I feel like I'm too busy balancing on quicksand and could only frustrate. The few people with whom I have stayed in communication with come in two groups. Those I very rarely spoke with in the first place have a new and improved, calmer and more centered me to enjoy. They don't know what's different, don't even mention that anything's different. If I had to guess I'd say they simply enjoyed the experience--a conversation or exchange that didn't leave them or me drained. Very few defenses and a feeling of love being exchanged.

For those who communicated with me frequently, I think the changes are too much. I can't be counted on to stick with the program. Whatever the relationship had been was established with a me that no longer exists. Perhaps the "changes are too much" for me.

I think I need to spend a few days just integrating the new energies, the new self. Somewhere around here I have a crystal for that too.

Living my Dreams

Barbados here I come. Finally, I've committed to the long held, much-considered and oft-mentioned dream of returning to the Caribbean. I'll have to miss that Police Concert I went on and on about in a previous email, but I'm OK with upgrading my dreams-come-true.

I'm feeling great this day. On top of committing to that dream coming true, I had another workshop for parents. This time, after a good bit of encouragement from D, I went with the intention of valuing the book I wrote and selling some copies. Believe it or not, I planned to just give them away to any attendees.

There were a total of 10 attendees in the two separate sessions at this particular district-sponsored parent fair. I sold 7 copies of my book. seventy percent sales rate...pretty good. Thanks D for confronting my typically female willingness to devalue my work, self and product. The workshop feedback was awesome. When I come back from Barbados, who knows, maybe I'll be inspired to give the workshops a real go this summer.


The wonders of working with these healing energies continues to amaze me--so much progress. I know I started this blog offering to share my personal growth. It's been hard to do of late, though. It's kinda like having promised to count each wave aloud, only to soon find high tide receding, and though there are still ebbs and flows hitting against the shore, they are so subtle as to defy an accounting.

The highlights
*Pounds are still dropping off. Slower than before, but downward still.
*Complete success with the zero-meds
*Leisure bad habits have just about disappeared entirely
*There's more and more color in my home
*My happiness has become settled, stable and reliable rather than previously flighty and fickle characteristics of my 30's.

Best of all I feel more complete, more whole.

Life is good.

Lot's to share...later...some now...some later

I'm happy to announce the birth of my "niece." I've been away supporting D, dad and baby's first few days back from the hospital. In that time I still did a bit of energy work and have been enjoying an awesome book exploring the connections across the ages and cultures of energy healing. From the Hawaiian Kahuna concept of "mana" to Native American "orenda", Hebrew "ruach" and homeopathy's "vital force" working with the healing energy extends beyond China's chi, Japan's ki and India's prana. I have a deep desire to understand fully this energy across time and space.

It is an absolute joy, an adventure to delve intellectually into the abundance of information on this intuitive, and yet pragmatic approach to healing body, mind, soul and spirit.

And results???

Yes. On myself, with family and with students. I've got a case I'm working with right now and I will share more about after it concludes next week.

What I can share tonight is that I am growing in respect for this work. I totally understand the fees. I've been doing work on three or four people, including myself, on any given night. It does take time, energy and a fairly substantial amount of commitment and focus...and study...and practice.

In other words, as they in the South, it's more than a notion. I have always been quick to want to offer to help (or some might call it butt in). Their's a guilt complex involved for sure--real guilt or imagined conventional nonsense.

Working with energy healing is truly helping me separate out my motivations. It just isn't possible to help everyone whom I recognize could benefit.

With wanting to maintain my lifestyle with my current employment and desiring to maintain a peaceful equilibrium, I can only comfortably fit in somewhere between 5 and 10 sessions a week, depending on my schedule.

And that limitation is truly a blessing. I can't "waste" my time sending healings at every whim, where I'm not invited, or where it isn't my business. I'm learning to discern the differences and to spend my time wisely.

In addition to learning to respect my time and energy, I'm also learning to respect my desires, my loves...my self, in ways I hadn't realized I was lacking.

How? Why?
I find the time working with energy to be an amazing experience. It opens my mind, my heart, my soul. I find it intellectually stimulating and spiritually enlivening. My interest is passionate. I have found my home.

Now that I have, I don't want anything to take me from it. I don't have time for drama, games, complexes, neurosis...and not those of other people, either. Well, actually, that too has been a boon of this work. I no longer need to concern myself with the drama, games, complexes and neurosis of other people. I know more cetainly than ever in any lifetime, that if it's in my life, I only need to look into the mirror to discover why it's there. Is the result of a guilt complex? Am I feeling undeserving? Am I projecting? Am I hiding from some truth?

Now I have the tools to comfortably and carefully look to myself for both the source of the problem and the solution.

The love I want versus the love I need, for example. First time in my life I am considering the love I need. Now that I have located a passion that moves me in a way I have never before known, I can finally recognize that the idea of love I've looked for has little to do with supporting me in my spiritual growth.

Most important, in terms of gaining respect, is learning to accept from a real and a clear place, that my spiritual life is as integral as all other aspects of my life. Spirituality has finally eclipsed sexuality as a focal point for my relationships. I've been waiting a really long time for that one.

I believe the Pranic Healing technique I use is the one most responsible for releasing my energy from my base and sex chakra up to my crown chakra. The Reiki has been instrumental as the technique to free my body and mind so that I would not fight the spiritual cleansing required to reach this new level of awareness, interest, commitment, love and general respect.

As I've mentioned in past posts, I become a Reiki Master late next month. The significance of that is that it opens me to deeper spiritual cleansing and growth.

I have found a great marriage within myself--my higher and lower self are speaking to each other and loving each other. In me, my Father's will has married my Mother's love. My inner god and my inner goddess are creating Heaven on Earth for my soul...right here, right now.

Thanks Cat!

Deep down I was not a believer. That's why the universe set me up with the cat in the previous blog entry.

After I typed up the blog about the cat yesterday, I went on my walk. Hadn't heard the cat all day. Saw it sitting on a car top while I did my walk around the complex. I sent it some Reiki energy when I heard it purr a greeting to me.

This time, no drama. He didn't follow me around. Didn't make those desperate meow's that got to me on Monday.

That made me wonder if maybe all this Reiki healing was really about something. OK. I know, you have to wonder, why would I spend money taking the classes, practice it, credit it in part for my being able to get rid of my old medications IF I wasn't already convinced it worked.

I was convinced it worked...on the unseen. Things like mental, emotional traumas. I had been the recipient of success with this with my own energy therapist on many occasions. I'd never even think of going to my energy healer for something physically wrong. Hypocritical? Who isn't?

But with the cat having seemingly trusted in the energy, when I felt a strain on one of inner thigh muscles, I thought, "oh what the heck, it can't possible hurt anything." Mind you, I was doubtful of any benefits. I mean really, how is placing my hand and projecting/requesting this invisible energy to flow through them gonna help the sprain release and reset? How?

I tried it anyway? I didn't feel it again.

This stuff works??? I mean, THIS STUFF WORKS!!!!

Thanks Cat!


Later in the evening I went online and googled cats and Reiki. I found this: "Most animals, especially cats, see the energy. Dogs are really good at showing which area needs the attention first..." at http://www.healingwithenergy.com/reiki.html.

I'm now a believer.

My first unsolicited client

I sent this email to a buddy yesterday. A cat had followed me home. I was lost and confused as to what to do with her. I'd called him in exasperation. Here's the e-tale.

I've NEVER, just never had a cat cry out to me like that.

After a little while to process it, it was the certainty the cat seemed to convey that I could help that got me involved.

I heard the meow. I recognized a chord of distress. I've never heard a cat do that To Me! I've heard tale, as they say. Well, actually, no I hadn't even heard of it before. It was so completely new to be called out to that way.

The way the cat whined and whimpered, it felt like a baby calling to me.


I suppose I should assume that there must be something new about me that preceded the interaction. I can only guess... Perhaps its as simple as it being the first time I was available enough to actually hear the sound the cat was making, to hear the plea underneath the standard meow.

Her pain, her demand to be heard and attended to with that particular sound of desperation...I couldn't just walk away.

I'd bent down and touched her. When I couldn't see any way to truly help her, no collar to return to her home, no obvious injuries to suggest calling the humane society, I went back on my way, back on my walk. She followed. Perhaps I shouldn't have looked back to notice.

I'd stop. Tell her I couldn't do anything for her. I'd turn around and go back on my way. Then I'd hear that meow again...and sure enough she was tagging behind.

That was the thing. The sounds she made. The utter desperation. And again, it just sounded so insistent. I started to wonder if she was supposed to become mine. I'd just noticed the other day that a book on Cats was sitting on my shelf from this time a year or two ago when I'd considered a cat. Then I looked at her and looked directly in her eyes. I just couldn't walk away.

I indicated she could come to my place. Since she was following me, it seemed the only logical conclusion. My plan: Take her in, give her some food, let her stay on the deck with a blanket for warmth till the morning and then send her to the humane society and post a flyer in the complex. That was the plan.

She got to the stairs and stopped. She was clear on no interest in coming up the stairs. Which would have been fine enough with me if she hadn't parked herself and made these eerie meows and gutteral shreiks. Talk about throaty.

As I type my own issues of abandonment are surfacing. I couldn't walk away and let her sit there shreiking...at the base of my stairs. It felt like ignoring her. Heartwrenching for me.

I brought her the vanilla soymilk...all I had. No interest. She didn't stop meowing in that pitiful way, either. I came down with tuna. Watched her eat it. "OK She was hungry. Maybe that's all it is. We're done." When she stopped eating she just sat there. I brought it upstairs. Made the noices that it was OK to come up...(see plan above).

She didn't budge. I closed the door. Shreiks and meows. Evidently, though she appreciated the food, that wasn't her primary need and she was willing to let me know.

Sarcastically..."Thanks for that!"

My cousin joins me in the intrigue. He brings over the book on Cats. Now, I'm back on the thinking that its my job to be the one that helps her. We're reading through the book. I find the part on what the different cat sounds mean. Not at all helpful. Duh, I figured out she was pleading for assistance on my own. Meanwhile, I've also got the phone book out looking up humane society.

While my cousin and I are reading the book, door open, she comes up the stairs. Back with the sounds, the meows, the occasional sounds of emotional pain.

But she won't come in. I even went to pick her up and bring her in at this point. She arched her back and walked back out. She didn't go down the stairs. Just waiting for me to figure out what she's trying to say.

That's when I called you.

My original thought when I called was that you'd hear her sounds and be able to translate it into plain English for me. Whatever you said she was saying, I'd hear and obey and be done with it.


When you said, "Walk her back to the spot I found her and send a prayer to the universe for her," that was all it took. It seems like without anything more on my part, she was already heading down the stairs. It was after you named it the Jesus Syndrome. Down the stairs she went. No need to even walk her back to the spot we ran into each other.

Off she went. I guess she heard you better than I did.

The end.


Now I get to spend a couple days revisiting the whole thing to take as many lessons as I can from it. The first thing I wanna do, though, is identify why it happened. How did I invite it? Why did I invite it? Why did the cat feel I'd be willing/able/interested????


Just as I typed that, I heard her outside again. I've been in the same part of the house all evening. She just came back with that sound right now.

She gets a tone that almost makes me feel she's not of a kindly nature.

I ain't opening the door, though. Not even gonna look.

Gotta go pray her away.


Oh I prayed her away all right. A day later.

This evening the cat came back. She'd come back this morning also, but I couldn't be bothered. I just ignored her. Figured she was just doing what stray cats do.

This evening I was reading up on Reiki. Gaining some insights. Because little cousin is spending the night, the tv was a little loud so I moved me and my reading into the back room.

Within just a few minutes of sitting down I heard her out there doing that gutteral meow of desperate need. After last night I knew it wasn't food she wanted, nor warmth nor shelter.

Since I was reading up on Reiki anyway...

I meditated, sent her some Reiki energy. Quiet...except for a low-volume sighing meow.

As I did so, I had one of the experiences I'd heard of but not yet experienced when healing. I actually sensed the location of her pain and discomfort. It was located in her core just above the right front leg. I concentrated my mental picture of the healing energy going to that location. I saw a second location, too, nearer the rear of her core. I sent a little there too.

I had the intuitive sense of having acted appropriately, having done the right thing. Full of pride, after a few minutes I patted myself on the back and went back to my reading.

Evidently the back-patting was premature. The cat called out again. Intuitively, I knew immediately what was wrong. I'd stopped before I was done. I sent a spiritual apology to the cat for getting distracted and re-focused on the second location.

When I was done, she was gone. It's been pure quiet since. I expect, unlike last night and this morning, it'll be quiet for a while. Actually, my true sense of it all is that she'll back tomorrow evening and maybe the next for another treatment or two and that'll be that.


I won't blame anyone for questioning my interpretation of the events. It's hard to believe that a cat crosses my path, picks up I might be of assistance and then practically begs for it. What I can't deny is the intensity of her pleading eyes last night.

I've asked friends and family to let me practice on them and they have. But its awfully nice to be asked.

Finally...A Passion

My current passion is healing therapies. I've completed Reiki I and II. Next month I complete Reiki III and become a Reiki Master.

(http://www.reiki.org/FAQ/WhatIsReiki.html for more info.)


I've had the pleasure of doing a few Reiki sessions on friends and family. Nothing earth shattering to report. I can state unequivocally, as I have in earlier blogs, that I believe it played an important role in giving up my desires for unhealthful substances of all kinds.

In a week's time I will be adding another healing modality to my repertoire. On a recent visit to my chiropractor I shared my Reiki status and the positive effects I've experienced with it thus far. He told me something I'd heard on other occasions from those who work with alternative healing techniques: That, while Reiki is certainly a useful healing tool that is available to just about anyone with an interest, there are others. Many others. In fact, in the alternative healing circles, basic Reiki is considered a rather entry level energy healing tool.

He went on to relate an experience he'd had with a woman who performed a Pranic Healing session on him. The gist of the story is that she offered, he went in, she did her thing, and he walked out the door certain it had been a waste of time, money and energy. On the way down the stairs the presenting condition for which she'd offered help cleared up before he'd made it from the second floor to the ground. Without giving unnecessary details or being too gross, the pus-containing areas spontaneously burst open and the goo was gone. All of this without touching him.

Next weekend I'll be taking the first level of Pranic Healing. (http://www.lifepositive.com/pranic-healing.html) Like Reiki it can be done hands-on or without touch, and can be done in-person or remotely. My basic understanding is that while Reiki brings energy into the body, Pranic healing incorporates tools to cleanse out the energetic body. Think of when you have a glass full of dirty water and you let clean water run through it. Addition of the clean water eventually cleanses out the entire glass. Over time, you get a glass of fairly clean water. That's akin to how sending Reiki energy to a client works.

Using the same metaphor, Pranic healing would be actually cleaning the glass out before you pour in the clean water.

What I'm learning as I explore this fascinating area of alternative, vibrational and energetic healing systems is that the more of them you learn, the more tools you have to get the job done.

My buddy who makes awesome art projects always amazes me with what he can do with fabric, color...actually, pretty much any old thing. It doesn't matter what you give him he can make it beautiful. Believe when I say I've tested him on this.

It's similar to the way a great chef cooks. It doesn't matter what meager ingredients are available to a great chef, she adds a pinch of this, a dash of that, cooked just so and served such a way. Voila. Cooks become great chef's through great practice. They train here, apprentice there and practice, practice, practice.

Somehow I almost always manage to forget when I am in awe of my buddy's artwork that he was an art major in college. More than that, he grew up experimenting with art. And, of course, he is constantly, constantly practicing, honing his craft.

That's what I'm doing with energetic healing techniques. I want to gather knowledge and experience on as many modalities and techniques as I possibly can.

At the onset, I called energy healing my "current passion." I've known me all my life. This one feels more like a passion than a fad or a hobby. Only time will tell for sure.

What's different here, though, is the way this current interest so completely and thoroughly resonates with my life interest in personal improvement and spiritual development. I can't deny the benefits of working with my crystals, for example. I was experiencing regular and intense hot flashes through last summer. I bought a particular crystal that was indicated as useful for balancing hormones.

The crystals quite literally tell me which combinations to use, where, how, and for how long. Following their lead I did a combination for my hot flashes. Haven't had any since. Periodically I hold that same crystal for "maintenance."

At this point, I just let the crystals direct me and then look up what they are commonly associated with after the fact. EACH time, after I've followed the(ir) intuitive urgings, I cross check several sources for the crystals I've just finished working with and find that they were the perfect choice for the issue I was addressing. On several occasions, I don't even have an "issue" in mind, but am just lead to pick one, two or more up to meditate with and then receive an insight I didn't even know I was looking for, but which ends up being entirely useful to the day's objective.

They are simply amazing.

I absolutely adore this area of study and practice. Mostly, my interest is in self-healing and the healing of interested (willing) friends and family. Presently, I don't see myself becoming a "healer" in the sense of opening an office and taking on clients, so much as I see myself working toward developing a clear insight into the interrelatedness of this area.

I'm a teacher. That's what I do. It's what I love. Teacher's study first and then offer their understanding to those who want to learn what they've so far mastered. I definitely see myself becoming an instructor of some portion of such techniques. Perhaps even developing something new within these areas. What I don't see myself doing is putting up a shingle.

If all I ever did was learn these techniques and use them to assist friends and family, that would be extremely satisfying. Of course, being me, I have dreamy aspirations of discovering something new to add to what is already known.

Like I said, though, improving myself and assisting friends and family...that would be Heaven on Earth.

Givin' it up

I was thinking about the time of year that it is...lent, passover, easter and all. Realizing that I gave my meds up in this period. Was it the first day of spring? Oh my...just did a google and calendar check...The first day of spring was wed 3/21. I took my Reiki II on Thursday 3/22.

I thought I was just giving up my prescriptions. Let's just say that my body has a pretty clear disinterest in prescribed, over-the-counter...and others. Even alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I've had a glass of wine, or two, since. But the thrill is gone. When I wake up I can feel it. I can't be sure, but I suspect my prescribed med kept the tired, dragging effect of drinking from being felt. I feel it now. There have been exactly two occasions when I had a glass of red wine at night and then went to work the next day.

Both times were just so not pretty. My usual ability to sail through lectures by just glancing at the topic I'm teaching for the day evidently stays home to catch up on a little more rest. My body is there, but my mind is fumbling along. To the point of being embarrassing. On one of the occasions, I had drawn a graph to explain a concept and, though I'd done it right, I just couldn't explain it very well. I've taught this topic more than a dozen times just in the past few years.

Drinking loses its appeal if you have to pay as you go. I hadn't had to pay as I went for years. Not like that. I'm glad for the hassle it brings.

I guess when I prayed to lose a little weight, God took me at my word. I didn't realize he was gonna require my involvement, require me to change bad habits. Good thing I didn't know better when I asked. I'd probably have chickened out from all the fears.


Wow...This Sunday is the date of the resurrection. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I mean

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Can't wait!



Tonight I heard my body say, stop already with the projects, the ideas, the reading, the studying, the this and the that.

Relax. It's OK. Watch a movie. You've been non-stop for quite a while. I made a couple of bracelets for a couple of students. One reminded me I'd agreed/offered (can't remember) months ago. Another was there and wanted one too. I've been moving furniture around. Found a book of Shakespeare sonnets I'd bought years ago and can't wait to read 'em. Been reading up on my astrology--the houses and all the stuff that I couldn't focus on before--neither before drugs nor on them. But now...just right.

So, now that I've left this update. This hello to my lone reader.

Time to chill in front of the tube...

Or maybe just go to bed a little early. I really have been on the go quite a bit of late.