Synchronicities

Since returning from the Caribbean I've been giving serious thought to how I live my life here at home. The sheer joy I experienced being there has overwhelmed my complacency.

More than the centered peace, it was the ability to go at my own pace all day each day that most profoundly stirred reflection. Instead of waking up at six-something in the morning, I woke up at my natural hour of 8am. I'd rest a while, take a shower and then head off to a breakfast overlooking a magnificent turquoise sea. The icon on my blog was the exact view.

I've oh-so-often bragged about the ease and flexibility of the job I currently have. Compared to all the other jobs I've known, compared to all that I'd previously considered, it satisfies. But then I had this other experience. I did what I most wanted to do at any given moment. Freedom, joy, peace and love all rolled up into a timeless experience of pure present

Working has been hardest of all. I question how fulfilled I am with it. From where did I learn to value the lure of security over my present joy? In nearly every other area of my life, I am a risk taker. Not as much as others, but enough that it shocks me that I so readily use the promise of a pension as the reason I can't move on. Then, again, it is precisely because I have been one who follows her whims, that I've learned to value the wisdom of a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Am I sacrificing present joy for an unknown future? Typing here is like therapy for me if you wonder why I do it. Just remembered the job from hell that I left UCLA to pursue. A very bad decision. I got a little frustrated and left something that had the potential to lead me into some sort of deanship at UCLA. Of course, everything I"m saying here suggests that I'd ultimately have left for more freedom and flexibility anyway. Nonetheless, the move looms large as a rash decision I'd like to avoid repeating.

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Speakers from the local community college were scheduled to speak today. They'd been on calendar for over a month. In fact, they were supposed to speak before I left for TCI, but rescheduled for today. Their presentation was on careers. It was the same presentation I gave my kids a month ago using some websites on estimating living expenses and linking that with occupational choices. It's what my book was ultimately trying to share with teens and parents.

It is the presentation I consistently consider doing a few evenings each month at local churches or for other parent groups...and then don't. I was surfing through prior entries this evening, looking for something related to Reiki, and instead found a reminder about a profound experience. The title of the blog is unchanged from it's original. Ironic. Maybe I mean insightful.

There are no coincidences.

I can do the workshops without it taking away from writing my book. It's even possible that doing the workshops is a necessary and important step that puts me closer to the book's completion and publishing.

And then enters doubt.