What a difference love makes

I met someone in TCI. Someone I became quite enamored with in a few short days. Talk about vivacious. I didn't even realize what had happened until it was too late. After being home two days, all I knew was that nothing was the same. Even if I could live without her, I wouldn't want to.

She enjoys waking up at a leisurely 8am. Follow that with breakfast, coffee and then time to work at her craft--lots of writing. A late afternoon swim in the salty sea takes her straight to heaven. After that a short siesta on the sand. Wake up to a view of shades of green-blue darkening into the distance until a vibrant cobalt touches the sky and softens her soul. It is a pleasure to behold.

It broke my heart when she left. She didn't return home. She left her home to return to the place she's resided most of her partially lived life. I didn't know this woman, this me, so free, was even on the menu.

The me that I was in TCI was on her own schedule, listened to her own rhythm, cared for nothing but each moment's opportunity, fully enjoying the present. All my life I've longed to be her though I never knew it.

That me I met in TCI...I am in love with her. She wants to live on a island. She wants to live that rhythm. The glow of her spirit in that place is too irresistible to allow a dull imitation to linger like stale air around her any longer than necessary. I am committed to ensuring her island dreams come true. It is a crime against her soul to claim to love her and do otherwise. I am in love with her. She is in love with the sea.

I've been talking about my need to visit, perhaps live in the Caribbean for years. Today I'm all the more certain of it. It's a constant movement toward greater certainty.
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This me I met deserves to have her dreams come true. Deserve??? That's a funny word to use. How is it that one deserves her dreams fulfilled when the dreams of so many others never see daylight? Does someone "deserve" to be fulfilled, happy, content or at peace? Does it have to imply that folks who suffer must "deserve" their pain?

I can't answer that age-old query. What I do know is that when we love someone we try to do all we can to minimize if not entirely eliminate their pain, suffering, discomfort or even minor irritations. We want for their joy, happiness and fulfillment. For those whom we have chosen to distinguish as "loved ones", we generally are comfortable saying they "deserve" the best life has to offer by mere virtue of being alive, being one of God's beloved. Because we feel something we call love for them, we hope they always enjoy life's best. We want to witness our loved ones in states of joy or contentment if not fulfillment and bliss.

What they choose, accept or settle for is another story entirely.
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I've got nine scenes of Caribbean beachfront up in my classroom. Two more, framed, sit atop my two filing cabinets. My computer's desktop is again a Caribbean beach scene. In my home four of eight framed and mounted pictures in my living area are beachfronts.

My soul has tried to speak to me through images for years and years. And even as I hear its yearnings, I've said time and time again, "One day". Always waiting! It still isn't action time. I'm not ready to leap out on faith, sell my possessions, quit my job, move there and see what happens. It isn't that I doubt God will provide for me. My soul knows he would. But that isn't what Iâ m moved to do.
I have a plan: Finally, a real and serious plan. It's a three-year plan. Here goes.

Sell my home in three years. Purchase an island condo or home, whichever I can afford. I won't move there and rent. If in three years I see a way to live there year-round and earn my income doing something I truly love while living there, then that's what I'll do. Adios and goodbye. I won't need to keep my home here in the states, because it's unlikely I'd return to live. If I do, worry about that then. If I only come back to visit, staying in a hotel for even a couple weeks will be cheaper than trying to hold on to property here for the sake of holding on to a possession out of fear of letting it go.

If three years comes and goes and it still makes sense to earn my money here, then I still plan to buy there and live here on the cheap. I'll live in my slice of paradise summers and long breaks.

"As God is my witness" | God as Witness? More like God as facilitator, instigator and co-conspirator. Who else put this longing into my soul? This dream is at my core. It's phenomenal really! God's fabulous motivating tool to get me to do more than simply rest in complacency. Spending night after night staring at a colorful box is not going to cut it. Selling my soul year after year for the promise of a monthly check when I am too old to enjoy it is senseless since I have no idea how long I'll be around.

Makes me wonder what the face of God looks like when He witnesses the choices we make, choices that add to our suffering and pain rather than our joy and contentment. I speak of those choices within our control, of course. When He views me in this life, this moment, does He wonder why I wait for perfect circumstances before moving to the place that makes my soul sing? To the place where I take pleasure in marveling at His creation? Is He waiting for me or am I waiting for Him?