Creating Relationship

The possibility for my life that I am living into is that I am Creativity Powerfully Expressed. In my current Landmark course, Self Expression and Leadership Program, participants are assigned a coach--basically a life coach. The course's product is a project that participants create and make happen. My project: a blog for energy healers.

The project is just one channel for the true work of the course--continuing to create for yourself a life that leaves you enlivened and fulfilled. Everything in life comes up in the weekly one-on-one coaching conversations.

For me, this includes my interest in a committed relationship. My goodness. I have talked this talk for years. I talk it, but I haven't lived it...until now. I've been too afraid. My big fear has been that a relationship with any man will be confining, limiting--basically, the end of me. What a story!!! What a love-draining, life-limiting story to have told myself for years and years. And, yes, the short of it is that I based it on a couple bad experiences that I was loathe to let go. To credit every person, every experience and every event that helped me get over it would take a while, but suffice it to say that I give Landmark credit for its part, though I can't discount subliminal tapes, Reiki, crystal healing, past life work, prayer, fasting, friends, family, food, wine, bliss, long walks, sunsets, ocean, the Caribbean and a guy named...oh why start naming names.

But back to my coach and being Creativity Powerfully Expressed. On one of our first coaching calls of the three-and-a-half month course I was asked to name some life areas in which I could use coaching. Among them, I remember stating "I want to stop being wishy-washy about committing to commit to a relationship." I can see why my coach suggested I write up what an ideal relationship might look like. What a great tool to uncover where I was stopped.

After a bit of trepidation at making it real, I wrote up a little something. I shared it with him on a Sunday. At our class the following Monday evening, he asked me to read it to our small group of six. "I don't have it with me", I said. Whew!!

"No problem. I have it right here", my coach volunteered. Cell phones and their email storage capacity. A little self-conscious at the start, I read it aloud. The feedback was great. He then suggested I read to the class. No way!!! I just wasn't ready to call this person into being by speaking my description into existence.

Weeks passed.

This same insistent coach pestered me about sharing my description. I couldn't. I was still wishy-washy on committing to commit to wanting to bring a real man into my life. In my life, just thinking something has made things manifest, I certainly wasn't going to share it with a whole bunch of other people so they could add their thoughts and energy to it, too.

Did I mention the insistent, pestering nature of any good coach? Suffice it to say that I was pushed to consider what was in the way. What came up for the umpteenth time was that no matter what I'd written, I was still deathly afraid that being a committed relationship had to look like some traditional nothing-to-do-with-me version of what relationships are supposed to look like. I was stuck in a trap of believing that who I am and how I live is inherently problematic--Too independent, too this, too that.

My coach and I had this conversation during a long workday for our course. I went out during the break and thought it over. After a short while, I realized there was a single missing sentence that made all the difference. To my description I added one last line. Voila. I could now read my description to just about anyone. If they knew this person, if that person walked up to me and introduced himself, he'd be welcome...Now.

A few weeks later, I had an appoitnment with an energy healer to clear out some blocks I was confronting. She uses a very powerful technique that helps clear out old thought patterns and beliefs. I cleared out the idea that any relationship I entered had to fit some pre-existing, socially determined mold. I shared with her the description of the relationship I am now welcoming into my life. The following was within an email I received from her this evening:

"The description you wrote of your new special person was so beautiful. And it put into words what I have been wanting to say for my own relationship. I was wondering if you would be willing to share it with me? And I was also thinking that you might want to copyright it and share it as an article on your blog and on other blogs. I have a feeling it would get picked up and shared around the world!"

I am going to take her suggestion to heart.

The following is the description I created of the relationship, the person I am welcoming into my life:


Who he is for me is an intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual companion. I am the same for him.

He is well-informed and well-read.
He:
-appreciates and enjoys various cultures, may be foreign born, and enjoys travel.
-has some area of life where he excels, maybe even near-genius, and I find that area fascinating but do not share his expertise.
-has developed his ideas about who he is and what works for him independent of societal or cultural norms
-has a strong desire to be in a committed, monogamous relationship
-lives a philosophy of life that while based on the spiritual foundations of all religions, is beyond religion
-believes in God, the idea of karma, and is open to discussions on the nature of truth, reality, existence, etc.
-lives a healthy lifestyle, all things in moderation
-is easy to talk to about nearly anything.

Physically, is a lot harder for me to describe beyond saying that he is healthy. He basically just needs to be in the general range of "normal". He is neither extremely small or large, not model gorgeous nor bordering on repulsive...in other words, doesn't stand out in a crowd, but upon a double take has a certain charm that is effortlessly inviting, calming. His sense of humor is a perfect combination of witty, dry and subtle. His ethnic origin doesn't matter because having the above qualities makes him perfect for me.

What he values most about me:
--being easy-going, laid back
--my independence
--my conversation and curiosity in a wide range of areas--philosophy, politics, economics, world cultures, spirituality, love, death...no topic off limits
--my love of concepts, ideas, the intangible and the inanimate
--my loyalty

Our mutual goal and what makes us a fantastic match is that we are both consumed with understanding our world and how we get along in it. We look at our relationship as a glorious laboratory to apply our best selves and inspire love in the other.

In furtherance of growing ourselves and our love, we allow wealth and prosperity into our lives individually and as a couple. We have an extensive family composed of family members, friends and our pets.

Not only am I supported, but Who I am and How I am is marveled at and celebrated. In return for such a gift, I support his wildest dreams coming true with my ability to inspire ceaseless miracles and joy. We just can't get enough of each other!
______


The "last" sentence that set me free, that now allows me to welcome whomever God has for me is no longer absolutely last. It was the sentence: "Not only am I supported, but Who I AM and How I AM is marveled at and celebrated." That sentence set me free. I am free to be loved as I exist at any given moment.

I MUST at this point thank one of my oldest buddies, Gilbert. There is no way that I could have come to know which words resonate with me best or even that words are a creative force that are trifled with at our peril, but played with and valued at our great reward.

The healer who suggested I share it validated that I am beginning to live my possibility--Creativity Powerfully Expressed. I'm sharing it because I truly believe that in your reading it, you add more power to it.

Please click on comment below if you have any thoughts or feedback. I'd love to hear. Thank you for adding your positive love and energy to the relationship I'm creating.

Not only am I supported, but WHO I AM and HOW I AM is marveled at and celebrated. YES!!

Update June 2009: I met this person on February 27th! We are currently in a committed relationship.