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The possibility for my life that I am living into is that I am Creativity Powerfully Expressed. In my current Landmark course, Self Expression and Leadership Program, participants are assigned a coach--basically a life coach. The course's product is a project that participants create and make happen. My project: a blog for energy healers.
The project is just one channel for the true work of the course--continuing to create for yourself a life that leaves you enlivened and fulfilled. Everything in life comes up in the weekly one-on-one coaching conversations.
For me, this includes my interest in a committed relationship. My goodness. I have talked this talk for years. I talk it, but I haven't lived it...until now. I've been too afraid. My big fear has been that a relationship with any man will be confining, limiting--basically, the end of me. What a story!!! What a love-draining, life-limiting story to have told myself for years and years. And, yes, the short of it is that I based it on a couple bad experiences that I was loathe to let go. To credit every person, every experience and every event that helped me get over it would take a while, but suffice it to say that I give Landmark credit for its part, though I can't discount subliminal tapes, Reiki, crystal healing, past life work, prayer, fasting, friends, family, food, wine, bliss, long walks, sunsets, ocean, the Caribbean and a guy named...oh why start naming names.
But back to my coach and being Creativity Powerfully Expressed. On one of our first coaching calls of the three-and-a-half month course I was asked to name some life areas in which I could use coaching. Among them, I remember stating "I want to stop being wishy-washy about committing to commit to a relationship." I can see why my coach suggested I write up what an ideal relationship might look like. What a great tool to uncover where I was stopped.
After a bit of trepidation at making it real, I wrote up a little something. I shared it with him on a Sunday. At our class the following Monday evening, he asked me to read it to our small group of six. "I don't have it with me", I said. Whew!!
"No problem. I have it right here", my coach volunteered. Cell phones and their email storage capacity. A little self-conscious at the start, I read it aloud. The feedback was great. He then suggested I read to the class. No way!!! I just wasn't ready to call this person into being by speaking my description into existence.
Weeks passed.
This same insistent coach pestered me about sharing my description. I couldn't. I was still wishy-washy on committing to commit to wanting to bring a real man into my life. In my life, just thinking something has made things manifest, I certainly wasn't going to share it with a whole bunch of other people so they could add their thoughts and energy to it, too.
Did I mention the insistent, pestering nature of any good coach? Suffice it to say that I was pushed to consider what was in the way. What came up for the umpteenth time was that no matter what I'd written, I was still deathly afraid that being a committed relationship had to look like some traditional nothing-to-do-with-me version of what relationships are supposed to look like. I was stuck in a trap of believing that who I am and how I live is inherently problematic--Too independent, too this, too that.
My coach and I had this conversation during a long workday for our course. I went out during the break and thought it over. After a short while, I realized there was a single missing sentence that made all the difference. To my description I added one last line. Voila. I could now read my description to just about anyone. If they knew this person, if that person walked up to me and introduced himself, he'd be welcome...Now.
A few weeks later, I had an appoitnment with an energy healer to clear out some blocks I was confronting. She uses a very powerful technique that helps clear out old thought patterns and beliefs. I cleared out the idea that any relationship I entered had to fit some pre-existing, socially determined mold. I shared with her the description of the relationship I am now welcoming into my life. The following was within an email I received from her this evening:
"The description you wrote of your new special person was so beautiful. And it put into words what I have been wanting to say for my own relationship. I was wondering if you would be willing to share it with me? And I was also thinking that you might want to copyright it and share it as an article on your blog and on other blogs. I have a feeling it would get picked up and shared around the world!"
I am going to take her suggestion to heart.
The following is the description I created of the relationship, the person I am welcoming into my life:
Who he is for me is an intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual companion. I am the same for him.
He is well-informed and well-read.
He:
-appreciates and enjoys various cultures, may be foreign born, and enjoys travel.
-has some area of life where he excels, maybe even near-genius, and I find that area fascinating but do not share his expertise.
-has developed his ideas about who he is and what works for him independent of societal or cultural norms
-has a strong desire to be in a committed, monogamous relationship
-lives a philosophy of life that while based on the spiritual foundations of all religions, is beyond religion
-believes in God, the idea of karma, and is open to discussions on the nature of truth, reality, existence, etc.
-lives a healthy lifestyle, all things in moderation
-is easy to talk to about nearly anything.
Physically, is a lot harder for me to describe beyond saying that he is healthy. He basically just needs to be in the general range of "normal". He is neither extremely small or large, not model gorgeous nor bordering on repulsive...in other words, doesn't stand out in a crowd, but upon a double take has a certain charm that is effortlessly inviting, calming. His sense of humor is a perfect combination of witty, dry and subtle. His ethnic origin doesn't matter because having the above qualities makes him perfect for me.
What he values most about me:
--being easy-going, laid back
--my independence
--my conversation and curiosity in a wide range of areas--philosophy, politics, economics, world cultures, spirituality, love, death...no topic off limits
--my love of concepts, ideas, the intangible and the inanimate
--my loyalty
Our mutual goal and what makes us a fantastic match is that we are both consumed with understanding our world and how we get along in it. We look at our relationship as a glorious laboratory to apply our best selves and inspire love in the other.
In furtherance of growing ourselves and our love, we allow wealth and prosperity into our lives individually and as a couple. We have an extensive family composed of family members, friends and our pets.
Not only am I supported, but Who I am and How I am is marveled at and celebrated. In return for such a gift, I support his wildest dreams coming true with my ability to inspire ceaseless miracles and joy. We just can't get enough of each other!
______
The "last" sentence that set me free, that now allows me to welcome whomever God has for me is no longer absolutely last. It was the sentence: "Not only am I supported, but Who I AM and How I AM is marveled at and celebrated." That sentence set me free. I am free to be loved as I exist at any given moment.
I MUST at this point thank one of my oldest buddies, Gilbert. There is no way that I could have come to know which words resonate with me best or even that words are a creative force that are trifled with at our peril, but played with and valued at our great reward.
The healer who suggested I share it validated that I am beginning to live my possibility--Creativity Powerfully Expressed. I'm sharing it because I truly believe that in your reading it, you add more power to it.
Please click on comment below if you have any thoughts or feedback. I'd love to hear. Thank you for adding your positive love and energy to the relationship I'm creating.
Not only am I supported, but WHO I AM and HOW I AM is marveled at and celebrated. YES!!
Update June 2009: I met this person on February 27th! We are currently in a committed relationship.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Born tonight
I’ve begun a fantastic project. Through the current Landmark course I’m taking, the Self Expression and Leadership Program, I am endeavoring to create a community blog for healers. energyexpressed.blogspot.com
As I finished one of the first entries, I was moved to offer a closing and sign my name.
Blessings,
Rahbin
My legal first name has been the initial R for years now, maybe a decade, maybe longer. The “Robin” just hasn’t felt right. Rabin hasn’t felt right, either. Tonight it felt so natural to sign my name in that spelling. I only noticed it after I’d typed it. So there it is.
My name’s birthday, January 13, 2009 @ 10:23pm. Rahbin.
I didn’t see any angels or other signs, but that’s my new name. 2009 is going to be amazing!
As I finished one of the first entries, I was moved to offer a closing and sign my name.
Blessings,
Rahbin
My legal first name has been the initial R for years now, maybe a decade, maybe longer. The “Robin” just hasn’t felt right. Rabin hasn’t felt right, either. Tonight it felt so natural to sign my name in that spelling. I only noticed it after I’d typed it. So there it is.
My name’s birthday, January 13, 2009 @ 10:23pm. Rahbin.
I didn’t see any angels or other signs, but that’s my new name. 2009 is going to be amazing!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Who I Am
Who I am is the possibility of Creativity Expressed!
In one of the Landmark courses, the Advanced Course, participants have an opportunity to decide what they'd like to bring into their lives, into existence. Examples include the possibilities of being love, fun, leadership, joy, inspiration and so on.
I chose creativity expressed. Originally, I thought that choice was specifically about my trying to get MY creativity expressed. Books would finally get written, I'd blog more, I'd finally paint something and hang it on my wall. MY creativity expressed.
Over the course of the last week, I've gotten to know this possibility a little better. We snuggle up together and it whispers it's deepest hopes and dreams to me. Who I am is the Possibility of Creativity Expressed.
That's Creativity with a capital "C". And God said, "Let there be..." God created. Just go there with me for a minute: "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27.
As humans we have this incredible capacity to create. The obvious stuff are the artistic expressions--poetry, paintings, sculpture. But every conversation, every moment, every version of reality to which we subscribe is likewise our creation. Too bad, that it's usually done on autopilot.
Imagine creating our lives, our experiences, our world deliberately and purposefully. Creativity Expressed.
Who I am is the Possibility of Creativity Expressed.
In one of the Landmark courses, the Advanced Course, participants have an opportunity to decide what they'd like to bring into their lives, into existence. Examples include the possibilities of being love, fun, leadership, joy, inspiration and so on.
I chose creativity expressed. Originally, I thought that choice was specifically about my trying to get MY creativity expressed. Books would finally get written, I'd blog more, I'd finally paint something and hang it on my wall. MY creativity expressed.
Over the course of the last week, I've gotten to know this possibility a little better. We snuggle up together and it whispers it's deepest hopes and dreams to me. Who I am is the Possibility of Creativity Expressed.
That's Creativity with a capital "C". And God said, "Let there be..." God created. Just go there with me for a minute: "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27.
As humans we have this incredible capacity to create. The obvious stuff are the artistic expressions--poetry, paintings, sculpture. But every conversation, every moment, every version of reality to which we subscribe is likewise our creation. Too bad, that it's usually done on autopilot.
Imagine creating our lives, our experiences, our world deliberately and purposefully. Creativity Expressed.
Who I am is the Possibility of Creativity Expressed.
Transformation...ongoing
Finally, I am starting to get it. Between my Landmark courses, conversations with old friends and the daily process of processing living with an attitude of marvel and wonder, I am starting to be ok with me. The real me that I've hidden under all those warm, friendly behaviors that were designed to make sure I was tolerated with the least amount of interference or undesirable attention.
I post so little because I fear so much. Sure, I'm busy, too. But mostly the reason it takes so long to add entries here is because I am always wanting to edit and sanitize to assure I've controlled the impression left. So I think, anyway. I fear being judged inadequate, flaky, weird, unacceptable, daft. And yet, people who are tempted to judge me that way will do so no matter how well I edit. I wrap my ideas in cellophane and think I'm keeping secrets.
And as much as I all those things, I am also each of their opposites. And, on top of that, a whole host of other things and their opposites. Complicated, complex being.
Time to move on from fear. In the past I've tried to come up with some central theme around which my handful of readers--friends, family and fellow healers--might find acceptable and predictable and thereby be enticed to revisit. Yep, I spent a lot of useless time trying to figure out what kinds of posts should be placed here.
Transformation. That's really the theme that has always been true. The only impediment to claiming it has been my need to share only the things that let me look good as I saw it. Challenges resolved instead of challenges ongoing.
Flaky!!! I started this blog writing about my experiences with Reiki and Crystals and the fantastic ways my life changed for the better. And then, blogs about my passion for writing. And so on and so on. It felt so inconsistent. And yet, the consistency was present and obvious to everyone but me. Transformation.
This is notice that my blogs will be transforming. I won't even predict into what. Let's see what happens.
I post so little because I fear so much. Sure, I'm busy, too. But mostly the reason it takes so long to add entries here is because I am always wanting to edit and sanitize to assure I've controlled the impression left. So I think, anyway. I fear being judged inadequate, flaky, weird, unacceptable, daft. And yet, people who are tempted to judge me that way will do so no matter how well I edit. I wrap my ideas in cellophane and think I'm keeping secrets.
And as much as I all those things, I am also each of their opposites. And, on top of that, a whole host of other things and their opposites. Complicated, complex being.
Time to move on from fear. In the past I've tried to come up with some central theme around which my handful of readers--friends, family and fellow healers--might find acceptable and predictable and thereby be enticed to revisit. Yep, I spent a lot of useless time trying to figure out what kinds of posts should be placed here.
Transformation. That's really the theme that has always been true. The only impediment to claiming it has been my need to share only the things that let me look good as I saw it. Challenges resolved instead of challenges ongoing.
Flaky!!! I started this blog writing about my experiences with Reiki and Crystals and the fantastic ways my life changed for the better. And then, blogs about my passion for writing. And so on and so on. It felt so inconsistent. And yet, the consistency was present and obvious to everyone but me. Transformation.
This is notice that my blogs will be transforming. I won't even predict into what. Let's see what happens.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Financial Opportunities
From today's LA Times:
"With the S&P 500 index down 52% from its peak, it would have to rise 108% just to recoup its losses."
Time is on our side. After the Great Depression, stock values eventually multiplied by the tens. I'm not taking anything out of the stock market. Nope. Leave it all there. By the time I'm seventy or eighty, I'll be super-wealthy!
The article ended:
"The mood is that 'the stock market only has one direction now, and that's lower...Why buy today if you can buy it cheaper tomorrow."
Sounds like a plan. When do the tomorrow's end and that other, always better, future begin?
"With the S&P 500 index down 52% from its peak, it would have to rise 108% just to recoup its losses."
Time is on our side. After the Great Depression, stock values eventually multiplied by the tens. I'm not taking anything out of the stock market. Nope. Leave it all there. By the time I'm seventy or eighty, I'll be super-wealthy!
The article ended:
"The mood is that 'the stock market only has one direction now, and that's lower...Why buy today if you can buy it cheaper tomorrow."
Sounds like a plan. When do the tomorrow's end and that other, always better, future begin?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Transformation, Landmark Education
It is amazing.
On my way to work this morning, I called and left a voicemail for a friend noting that I feel like a different person each day. I wake up and I'm not the same person I was the day before. Almost two weeks ago I took Landmark Education's Advanced Course. I'd gotten fantastic insights and results after taking their Forum. To say that I'd been looking forward to the Advanced Course would be an understatement.
They promised it would offer an opportunity to see your life differently, to break free of old patterns that weren't serving you and all the other usual benefits promulgated by self-help books, seminars and events. And they delivered.
New ways of being are showing up in so many areas. All of them wondrous, marvelous and miraculous. All of them catching me by surprise. It's like all my default settings got reset to something closer to powerful and further from resigned.
Not to give away their process or curriculum, but the course helps you identify a habitual go-to stance developed as a child in response to something unpleasant. It was a response that suited and served a little child trying to defend itself and survive in world not fully understood. Basically, you uncover your ego's main point-of-view.
I'd go into details about my particular go-to stance in the world and the experiences I suspect are at its root, but that would take three entries right there. Suffice it to say that somewhere along the way, sometime in early childhood, I learned to have the attitude "I don't have to" in response to anything unpleasant or potentially threatening. If I might fail, be rejected or found out as someone who doesn't truly belong, then my automatic ego response would kick in--more reaction than response. In the tone of a frustrated three-year-old: "I don't have to!!!" Picture the arms crossed forcefully, a foot stomp and pout as the words are screeched out.
What is fabulous, just amazing, is that having identified that unconscious fall-back ego attitude, I now have the ability to thank it for sharing and get on with whatever action I turly desire, freed from the constraints of what others will think or whether the action helps me fit in, belong and get along.
If you haven't done their course, it's hard to explain. I'll try. You know that voice in your head that drones on and on when there's something you don't really want to do? Imagine hearing it and knowing body, mind and soul that it is an automatic response and not you actually thinking. For example, I needed to attend to my budgeting and had been putting it off for quite a while. I hadn't been getting 10% into charities like I want because I'd been too busy indulging my whims. I needed to take an honest look at what lifestyle choices I can and cannot afford if I want to both save money and give the 10% that I believe blesses my life.
I woke up at 5:14am Monday morning. The old me would have stayed under the covers till 5:55am when the alarm went off. Being wide awake and fully rested doesn't trump "I don't have to" on most days. But this past Monday morning, I heard a little whisper say, "You could have a breakthrough right now." I got up, got my stuff organized and created the budget and financial goals I'd been putting off for months and months.
That can sound pretty basic, even simple, unimpressive and a bit shy of miraculous and amazing. Yet, for me, it was miraculous. My commitment came before my go-to ego-driven "I don't have to". Since the course, it's happening at work, around the house. I take more risks, too. I don't mind being told no or trying something and failing. It's so powerful!
Of course, it is also heady. I'm squeezing more into each day. I'm interacting with friends and family more frequently, less the loner persona that served my "I don't have to" act.
The result of this "success" is that I'm also a little off-balance. I'm me, but I'm a me I don't know very well.
Landmark is about transformation. I've been transformed.
I look forward each new day to getting to know a new me, a more powerful me than the day before.
On my way to work this morning, I called and left a voicemail for a friend noting that I feel like a different person each day. I wake up and I'm not the same person I was the day before. Almost two weeks ago I took Landmark Education's Advanced Course. I'd gotten fantastic insights and results after taking their Forum. To say that I'd been looking forward to the Advanced Course would be an understatement.
They promised it would offer an opportunity to see your life differently, to break free of old patterns that weren't serving you and all the other usual benefits promulgated by self-help books, seminars and events. And they delivered.
New ways of being are showing up in so many areas. All of them wondrous, marvelous and miraculous. All of them catching me by surprise. It's like all my default settings got reset to something closer to powerful and further from resigned.
Not to give away their process or curriculum, but the course helps you identify a habitual go-to stance developed as a child in response to something unpleasant. It was a response that suited and served a little child trying to defend itself and survive in world not fully understood. Basically, you uncover your ego's main point-of-view.
I'd go into details about my particular go-to stance in the world and the experiences I suspect are at its root, but that would take three entries right there. Suffice it to say that somewhere along the way, sometime in early childhood, I learned to have the attitude "I don't have to" in response to anything unpleasant or potentially threatening. If I might fail, be rejected or found out as someone who doesn't truly belong, then my automatic ego response would kick in--more reaction than response. In the tone of a frustrated three-year-old: "I don't have to!!!" Picture the arms crossed forcefully, a foot stomp and pout as the words are screeched out.
What is fabulous, just amazing, is that having identified that unconscious fall-back ego attitude, I now have the ability to thank it for sharing and get on with whatever action I turly desire, freed from the constraints of what others will think or whether the action helps me fit in, belong and get along.
If you haven't done their course, it's hard to explain. I'll try. You know that voice in your head that drones on and on when there's something you don't really want to do? Imagine hearing it and knowing body, mind and soul that it is an automatic response and not you actually thinking. For example, I needed to attend to my budgeting and had been putting it off for quite a while. I hadn't been getting 10% into charities like I want because I'd been too busy indulging my whims. I needed to take an honest look at what lifestyle choices I can and cannot afford if I want to both save money and give the 10% that I believe blesses my life.
I woke up at 5:14am Monday morning. The old me would have stayed under the covers till 5:55am when the alarm went off. Being wide awake and fully rested doesn't trump "I don't have to" on most days. But this past Monday morning, I heard a little whisper say, "You could have a breakthrough right now." I got up, got my stuff organized and created the budget and financial goals I'd been putting off for months and months.
That can sound pretty basic, even simple, unimpressive and a bit shy of miraculous and amazing. Yet, for me, it was miraculous. My commitment came before my go-to ego-driven "I don't have to". Since the course, it's happening at work, around the house. I take more risks, too. I don't mind being told no or trying something and failing. It's so powerful!
Of course, it is also heady. I'm squeezing more into each day. I'm interacting with friends and family more frequently, less the loner persona that served my "I don't have to" act.
The result of this "success" is that I'm also a little off-balance. I'm me, but I'm a me I don't know very well.
Landmark is about transformation. I've been transformed.
I look forward each new day to getting to know a new me, a more powerful me than the day before.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Bee-ing
I remember being afraid of bees when I was a kid. I know for a fact that one bumble bee got a great laugh as it chased me down the street. It knew what it was doing, knew I was scared out of my mind, and I'm certain it went back to the other bees with a story about a little pigtailed kid who thought it could sting her.
Thirty-something years later, me and the whole bee community are on better terms. In fact, now that I'm clearer on how important they are to our entire food chain, I love them. With all the talk of the disappearing honey bees, whenever I see one, I get excited.
This morning I was on a conference call while I walked my dog. For some reason doing two things at once made me more attentive than usual to little details I normally overlook when I walk Chocolate. At one point, I observed a dead spider on the ground and actually bent a little closer to check out what kind it was. Not that I know anything about the various types of spiders beyond their look, but intuitively I get some sense of them.
Later I happened to glance down and saw a bee. It was wiggling its little body and seemed to be doing a bit poorly. Just following my gut, I leaned down and extended a finger to its bottom half and sent it a little Reiki. It wriggled a little more. I got up and walked away.
A few seconds later, about twenty feet from where I'd barely touched it, the most beautiful thing happpened. He buzzed me. The bee came close enough to buzz right inside my ear and then flew off at a right angle. Maybe I too recently saw the Bee movie, but in that instant I intuitively understood it came close to say thanks. Before I processed it consciously, I sent off a telepathic "no problem" in reply. My heart was full.
Real or imagined, I love feeling and believing that the smallest gestures are grand in impact.
Thirty-something years later, me and the whole bee community are on better terms. In fact, now that I'm clearer on how important they are to our entire food chain, I love them. With all the talk of the disappearing honey bees, whenever I see one, I get excited.
This morning I was on a conference call while I walked my dog. For some reason doing two things at once made me more attentive than usual to little details I normally overlook when I walk Chocolate. At one point, I observed a dead spider on the ground and actually bent a little closer to check out what kind it was. Not that I know anything about the various types of spiders beyond their look, but intuitively I get some sense of them.
Later I happened to glance down and saw a bee. It was wiggling its little body and seemed to be doing a bit poorly. Just following my gut, I leaned down and extended a finger to its bottom half and sent it a little Reiki. It wriggled a little more. I got up and walked away.
A few seconds later, about twenty feet from where I'd barely touched it, the most beautiful thing happpened. He buzzed me. The bee came close enough to buzz right inside my ear and then flew off at a right angle. Maybe I too recently saw the Bee movie, but in that instant I intuitively understood it came close to say thanks. Before I processed it consciously, I sent off a telepathic "no problem" in reply. My heart was full.
Real or imagined, I love feeling and believing that the smallest gestures are grand in impact.
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